I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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