I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
