I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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