My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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