Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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