I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize