using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Too much gin, very little bucket
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
