Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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