two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
