You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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