How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize