wrigley field is MILF paradise
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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