the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
