You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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