hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
