Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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