My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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