One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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