you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
