"it" just moved
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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