i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I deserve this hangover.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
