I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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