My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Are my feet made of real feet?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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