It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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