I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just found puke in my bra..
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
