Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
