Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
