I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
