Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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