Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize