hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
