My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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