i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
worst night to have a conscience
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
