4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
