why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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