Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize