I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
