i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
