also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
