Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Your penis caused this!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
