end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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