Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
