dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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