why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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