i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
