How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
