oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
