I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
