Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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