I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
