you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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