Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
