I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
