Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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