one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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