it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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