Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
