I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
