Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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