i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
