She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
