Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
