she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
