Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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