Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
